I cannot believe I have been a mommy for 4 years. February 9th 2014 my sweet Noah was born & as cliche as it sounds, my life was forever changed.
“motherhood will come naturally for you.”
I cant even tell you how many times people told me this. I had a lot of fears about becoming a mom & if ever that was expressed, it was met with these nice words. They were nice, sweet, well intended, & also not that true. Motherhood did not come naturally for me. I never understood what Noah wanted when he cried. People say their babies have certain cries for certain needs but this brotha’s cries just sounded irritating. I adored & loved him so very much but also didn’t get why he woke up so much. I often forgot to bathe him & would ask Nathaniel so many questions. I always have said Nathaniel is a much better mom than me.
As Noah got older things did start to come to me in a way that felt natural. Not at all because I felt like I was meant to be a mom, but I loved my son. Loving Noah was the 1 thing I knew for sure how to do. It wasn’t long before I realized that this was motherhood, being driven by love. Being driven by love to meet the needs of this child, nurture him, sacrifice for him, be whatever he needed me to be. Step by step mommy felt more natural, I was in fact becoming something I never knew I would be.
Isn’t it beautiful, the process. I believe we often overlook the process & all of the gold there is to be found in it. I didn’t wake up after having my boy & feel like I was made for this, but now. . . now I am more sure than I have ever been. I am sure that this is what I am supposed to be doing, mothering.
Noah humbled me, reminded me that every good things requires work & sacrifice. Becoming his mommy showed me my selfishness & so many things I was lacking. But becoming his mommy also showed me that I am able, able to love deeply, selflessly, & unconditionally. It has been such a beautiful journey of sanctification.
Happy 4th birthday my sweet boy. You are so full of life & exude joy that I just want to bottle up. I love that you know no stranger, it reminds me to always love people. Thank you for making me a mommy. In doing so, you brought a sense of completion to my soul.